Granny Goes Goalkeeper on Vile Chants…
In a move that would make even Roy Keane spin on his punditry perch, Phil Foden’s grandmother, Mary Keates, has dribbled past decorum to blast back at nasty chants from United fans during the Manchester derby. It seemed Old Trafford had front-row seats to the worst opera in town, featuring a chorus of boos aimed at Foden’s mum, Claire. Mary, wielding the mic like a footballing grandmother of steel, declared the chants more offensive than a soggy pie and mash on a rainy Mancunian day. “It made my tea go cold,” said Mary, ready to tackle the chant-makers head-on in the ultimate granny derby showdown.
But wait, enter Pep Guardiola — football’s tactical Socrates — who, with the wisdom of a thousand corner flags, lamented the pitiful antics from the stands. Why anyone would involve the maternal figure in such shenanigans, Pep puzzled, is right up there with trying to ref a match with blindfolds. He lovingly reminded fans that some own goals in life need no replay, suggesting the Red Devils’ singing section brush up on conduct with a solid boot to their common sense.
Further incredibilities abound as we learn Phil’s nan isn’t just any nan! At 64, Mary could belt out tales to rival football’s finest yarn-spinners. She’s been through the uprights, married to Walter, whose passing inspired Foden to rock squad digits as famous as his celebratory runs. As for Phil’s wealth on and off the pitch? It’s shooting up faster than a Cristiano Ronaldo header, with a price tag that could buy you a whole fleet of Bentleys—or about four top-tier stadium hotdogs at Wembley, adjusting for inflation!
