Citizens Mandate New Game Attendance Rules…
Attention, all Manchester City aficionados! The sky-blue brigade is launching a revolution that would make even the most eccentric tactician envious! In a plot twist worthy of a football-themed detective novel, season ticket holders now must pull off a daring Houdini trick by actually attending 10 games in the flesh. The Etihad policy wizards are convinced this magical move will transform empty seats into soul-shaking cheers reminiscent of a goal celebration erupting spontaneously from a Jack-in-the-box.
Enter the mighty Trade Union Blues squad who’ve assembled a powerhouse team of solicitors to argue, “Objection, Your Honor!” against City’s attendance decree. With their trusty sidekicks, the Equality Act 2010, they seek justice for those burdened with enough “protected characteristics” to make a shield! From shift workers to future penalty-kick-taking mums, any City fan fearing a red card from attending can send a carrier pigeon (or a polite email) to City’s Access Team, hoping for a lifeline made of exemptions and apologies.
Meanwhile, City’s brass is plotting an unprecedented “Operation Overflow” with their expanding North Stand. They’re betting 8,000 new fervent fans will make the Etihad feel like a concert of epic proportions. While some absentee aficionados haven’t warmed their seats in aeons, the club dreams of an arena bursting with enough energy to rival a lightning strike. With the Flexi Gold season ticket sales shooting up like a goalie on rocket skates, it seems the Etihad is gearing up for a legendary attendance comeback this season. Onward to a future where the only no-show is a showy sombrero goal celebration!
