Clash of the Sleepy Titans…
When the Derby Doomsday Dawdle dared to end, Old Trafford sighed louder than a broken soufflé. It was the kind of match that made paint-drying look like a thrilling rollercoaster ride. No goals, no goosebumps, just Gary Neville imagining the players shuffling off to a Sunday roast together. Talk about a Premier League snooze-fest! Manchester and City strutted their stuff with all the zest of two sloths on a caffeine detox—sparkle not included.
This sleepy saga was a tepid tango between two juggernauts lost without their sat-nav of life. Manchester United are confused like a cat in a dog show, while City’s high-riding stars are stumbling like they’ve been tackling squeaky-toy obstacles. With 22 top-flight tumbles between them, both sides seemed more keen on avoiding a whoopee-cushion embarrassment than chasing glory’s golden chalice. The first half was as exciting as counting sheep, and the second, a mere half-hearted yawn.
As United jiggle and juggle to Amorim’s fancy new jigs, City mourns the departure of their wizard De Bruyne. Pep made a rare oopsie, forgetting that even legends have expiry dates lest they turn stale like expired cheese. Transfers are the name of the summer game as City’s bags of cash are poised to fly through the market faster than Harry Kane in a sprint-off, while United might have to fish out their lucky pennies from the couch cushions. Time to wake up and smell the transfer window!
