Haaland Sings Ode to Departing De Bruyne…
In a football fairytale item straight from the Land of Lad, Erling Haaland has penned a dreamy ballad to his on-the-field muse, the sorcerer Kevin De Bruyne, who has apparently waved his wand for the last time at the Etihad. Like a knight standing in awe before a mythical dragon, Haaland revered the legendary Belgian’s foot-of-fury that transformed assists into art during Manchester City’s storied seasons, especially when together they atomized Arsenal like a hot pepperoni on a cold pizza.
The real-life Roy of the Rovers, Haaland, now finds himself in a chapter of potential partings, pondering whether his next nine years committed to City will be as joyously intertwined with De Bruyne’s golden slippers. With Haaland nursing an ankle grumble for seven weeks and De Bruyne’s contract flimsier than warmed-up cling film as it expires mid-Club World Cup, the dashing duo’s dynamic dance might have swayed its final sway this season. You’d think their final showdown is as rare as a unicorn wearing a City jersey.
Yet in classic tongue-in-cheek fashion, Haaland paid homage on social media, declaring in royal decree: “There’s only one Kevin,” alongside that shiny replica of King Arthur’s crown. Honourable mentions were also attached by fellow players like Phil “Flowing Locks” Foden, who lamented with indigestion that he won’t jog beside Kev again. Meanwhile, Jack “The Joker” Grealish claimed De Bruyne was the reason he joined City, akin to craving the perfect pie at the world’s largest buffet. And let’s not overlook John “Rock” Stones and Manuel “The Maestro” Akanji, who insist that De Bruyne is goat-ier than a farm full of billy goats gruff!
