Carragher and Guardiola’s Ode to De Bruyne…
In a plot twist only rivaled by soap opera finales, Kevin De Bruyne is waving goodbye to Manchester City like a magician leaving a rabbit out of his hat. City’s mystical midfielder is departing with 106 pot-of-gold goals and 174 magical assists, leaving a trail of trophies more dazzling than a dragon’s hoard. Jamie Carragher, the football philosopher, officially dubbed him the second-best foreign sorcerer, just behind Thierry “The Wizard” Henry. ‘He’s been the best thing since slice bread – no, scratch that – since crispy fish and chips!’ exclaimed Carragher, highlighting De Bruyne’s teleportation-like passes as the perpetual game-changer.
Meanwhile, Pep Guardiola, arguably shedding a tear that could make a raincloud jealous, penned a love letter to De Bruyne in the form of eloquent football poetry. ‘A sad but sparkly day,’ Pep described, suggesting De Bruyne’s influence was as profound as wearing socks with sandals–unconventional but decidedly impactful. The doors of City are deceitfully open for him forever, and his impact on the pitch will echo longer than an overenthusiastic vuvuzela caught in a wind tunnel.
Adding more drum rolls to the climax, Mikel Arteta took a break from tactical chess to praise De Bruyne’s uncanny ability to pass the ball faster than a greased lightning bolt through a field of defenders. ‘He challenges physics and has the precision of a swashbuckling nerf gun,’ admitted Arteta, reminiscing the honor of working alongside such an avant-garde artist. While City fans dive into a pool of nostalgia, one thing is clear: Kevin De Bruyne is leaving City, but he’ll never leave the pantheon of football greats—a football demigod immortalized in Premier League mythology.
