Man City’s Turtle and Cheetah in the Premier League Safari…
Hold onto your football socks, because Manchester City star, Bernardo Silva, has taken the honor of being the slowest player in the Premier League this season! Like a tortoise taking a leisurely stroll through a minefield of hyperactive rabbits, the 30-year-old Silva clocked a speed of just 29.4 km/h. Even Wolves’ defender Craig Dawson wobbled past him, with Arsenal’s Mikel Merino somewhere in the mix, as the league’s unofficial ‘slow dance’ competition unfolded.
But fear not, Citi-zens! The same squad boasts a veritable lightning bolt in Matheus Nunes, who blitzes across the pitch at 36.7 km/h, trailing only slightly behind Tottenham’s Road Runner, Micky Van de Ven, the rightful king of zoom with 37.1 km/h. Brentford’s Bryan Mbeumo rounds out this triple threat of speed demons. Meanwhile, West Ham’s Tomas Soucek has been declared the marathon champion with 140.8 km run ā almost enough to lap the entire planet of Mars and still have energy left to complain about the weather.
On the more leisurely side, Matheus Cunha of Wolves earns the ‘Taking It Slow’ award for spending more time strolling than a retiree on a Sunday promenade at 77 per cent of the match. Not to be left out of the fast lane, Nottingham Forest’s Anthony Elanga crams more sprints into a match than a caffeinated hamster on a wheel ā with Spurs’ Dejan Kulusevski running the most kilometers every 90 minutes. And let’s not forget Bernardo Silva’s defense against ageism! As he pointedly said, they’re not ancient relics but seasoned maestros teasing one more piece of silverware before the curtain calls!
