Guardiola’s Trolley Dash for Fit Stars…
Oh dear, oh golly, Man City’s Norwegian tornado, Erling Haaland, has been sidelined faster than an overinflated beach ball. After a tango with gravity at Bournemouth, the big fella limped off, looking like he’d been sparring with a jellyfish. Spotted leaving the stadium in a protective boot, Haaland is visiting the ankle whisperer to eye the wristwatch of his return. Pep Guardiola, the maestro of the Etihad orchestra, teased fans more than a three-minute microwave countdown by saying Haaland’s back-to-bamboozle-days are between five to seven weeks away!
The clock is a-ticking! City fans are holding their breath (and probably turning blue) as they await Haaland’s potential toe-dance in the FA Cup final by May 17. The doctors swear there’s nothing more motivating than a shiny trophy to make Erling’s cells get jiggy with it. Meanwhile, City’s latest Pharaoh slash super-sub, Omar Marmoush, has been polishing his goal boots ready to step in and channel his goal-god ancestor spirit – Anubis or something like that.
Meanwhile, Guardiola’s got his juggling act on, expertly played over the off-tune violin of endless injuries. “Fear not,” he chimes, weaving hope like a pocket magician, “we’ll MacGyver our tactics and find another goal-sniffing wizard.” The man’s got lungs, tell you that! So the City circus clowns strap in for the wild ride. Which players spin the wheel of fortune next? Wherever the keeper fumbles, may they smack it with a touch as sweet as lemon drizzle!
